Dishes Need Doing

Consensually speaking.

Law enforcement members develop a preconception about people and it’s not pretty. It’s almost an occupational hazard. You deal with criminals all day every day and you start to believe we are all the same.

Those are idle comments on my part. But, they have a loose connection to what I am trying to say. It’s about the recent consent law in California dubbed ‘Stealthing.’ The gist of it is that it’s illegal to engage in sex without consent. That scares a lot of men because what’s “consent?” Although, I’d argue that sex without consent is an obvious violation and must be illegal (which it is and has been since forever). What’s the problem then?

Now, men, let’s be openly honest – we want to stick you know what you know where. We are programmed for that. It’s hard when we can’t do it (pun intended). Any law that imposes limitations on our procreational activities causes us anxiety. I’d wager a bet that many of us experience guilt because a law like this was enacted. We must be “bad” and “wrong” if this law became a necessity. In other words, we are “criminals.” At least, that’s likely what we are in the eyes of law enforcement. This is the loose connection I mentioned earlier.

Men reason that this new law puts an end to sex. No man in the right mind is now going to think about having sex let alone engaging in it on account of “consent” being debatable. To clarify, I mean sex involving two people. Prosecution is too high a risk. Better not get involved lest a woman take unfair advantage. This then must be the beginning of the end – no sex, no children, no humankind. The extinction possibility may work in our favor and keep the sex on the table. We hope. On the other hand, women can get pregnant without sex. There goes “the end” theory. There goes our bargaining chip. This makes men feel even worse because, as Dr. Frasier Crane once replied to Daphne on an old episode of Frasier,

“…sex IS what we want!…”

The counter argument to newfangled male aversion to intercourse for fear of imprisonment on the grounds of lack of sufficient consent and subsequent penitentiary penetrations of said males by other males (they don’t call it the pokey for nothing) is that women aren’t all out to get us. I mean, women want sex too for Heaven’s sake. Women want sex with men. Isn’t that right? Or, am I wrong? I hope I am right…

Will there be consensual sex?

If we don’t associate with women who would stoop to luring us into a trap then there may be a chance of consensual sex.

The problem is that men can’t tell consensual from non-consensual very well. There are too many variables for the male brain. We aren’t good at picking up and interpreting female signals. And our innate sex drive is too powerful – it clouds our judgment. Think Jeffrey Epstein, Harvey Weinstein, and countless other men. How stone age must they be or have been when it comes to women?… That’s the extent of our maturity? That’s all we are capable of? If that’s how we were made then we are up against nature itself. What we must do now is become more human. But, hardly any of us know the true meaning of the word. How, prey tell, do you become more human without understanding what it means? I think this is like asking a dog to become human. Dogs might have a better chance than us…

Jerry Seinfeld pointed out our honking of our cars’ horns to get women’s attention as one of our best ideas. How pathetic. Add to that our complete lack of understanding how or why things work or not between men and women and we begin to look like an autistic lot. How terrifying. It’s baffling that we manage to get women at all. We are stunted and scared at best and criminals at worst.

So, while we attempt to complete an evolutionary cycle to become better men, what happens to our sex with women? Is it over?

Yes, it’s over.

Cheer up! Let’s make a resolution for year 2022 to become better men in the eyes of law enforcement. Tuck away your pintles and start doing dishes.

( image )

Leave a Reply