Mind Boggling Deals You Don’t Want To Miss

Oops… too late.

There was a deal somewhere, I think, that’s no longer available. It was for second-hand dishwashing sponges in “good” condition that were selling like chewed hotcakes at a deep discount. Are you ready and sitting down? If you bought 50 of those things, you’d get 0.005% off your next purchase of 500!!! Are you still with me? You haven’t fallen off the chair, have you? Check your pulse to make sure you aren’t dead. Yes, you’ve read that right – 5 thousandths of an entire percentage point off!!! There hasn’t been a deal like this ever and, probably, never will be again. So, too bad you missed it…

A collector’s item recently got auctioned off with a lowered starting bid to attract a bigger audience. This was a small plastic bag of centuries-old dust recently swept from behind some furniture in an upscale home. It was described as an amalgam of God-knows-what and the last few surviving hairs of the Cheshire Cat from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. A steal at that price. Unfortunately, I can’t remember what it sold for. So, too bad you missed that…

To fill the gap created by the current virus-induced social distancing, a six-foot-long broomstick went to a lucky buyer for half off!!!! The seller even threw in a free no-human-contact touch via said stick to poke the buyer and satisfy their social craving. You’d love a poke with a stick right about now, wouldn’t you? So, too bad you ain’t gettin’ any…

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