The Age Of Biohacking

When biological life forms hack you into smaller pieces with a hatchet

Lizzie Borden was by far the most famous early hacker. Surely, you recall the famous riddle:

Lizzie Borden took an axe

And gave her mother forty whacks.

When she saw what she had done

She gave her father forty-one.

It was August 4, 1892. The sun was shining. Weather records indicate the temperature was a balmy 83 degrees Fahrenheit. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Certainly not to provoke a sudden urge to delve into brain and body ”optimization.” Yet, there she was – Lizzie and her hatchet. Today, one might try to biohack their way into eternal living. But on that Summer day well over a hundred years ago, Ms. Borden’s thoroughly biological constitution gave rise and fall to an implement that altered someone else’s life in a profound way. It involved biology and hacking long before modern humans coined the biohacking term. Perhaps she saw it as a progressive move.


She might have exclaimed.

I brought my mom and dad into an altered state of being.

You and I, of course, see it more as a state of being dead. The poor folks were hacked. And it wasn’t about their stolen login information but rather about something used for logging. Crude as it was, Lizzie managed to accomplish so much more than murder (of which she was later acquitted, by the way). This woman may have given birth not only to biohacking but also bioengineering. The beginning of the end of life’s rigid biological constraints was nigh. Lizzie Borden struck the final blow. A coup d’etat. A world of possibilities, thus, opened up.

What possibilities, for Heaven’s sake? What the Hell are you, lunatic, talking about?

You might ask.

Well, in a made-up world of storytelling, combining the fact that a human being is a biological body with the fact that one such body used a hatchet to hack her parents is enough to put forward a theory that it was the earliest form of biohacking. Therefore, modern “science” behind biological hacking and engineering might have sprung following that event. And that’s the world of possibilities. Now, who’s the lunatic?

You must abstract yourself away from such inconveniences as logic. For example, there is no point in finding cause and effect between modern biology and Lizzie Borden. This is fiction for crying out loud! Just roll with it. Take a “break.” Relax. You’ll have plenty of time to return to the daily grind and engage in predictably logical sequences of mundane events.

Use your imagination. Don’t let your imagination get hacked into small pieces by some biological life forms within your body. There are so many microscopic Lizzie Bordens inside us. They might hack our creative thinking and be the end of you and me. Or, if given an imaginary venue, they might play out like actors on a stage and keep us entertained and healthy. Have you heard of an old black and white television show called Alfred Hitchcock Presents? Maybe, have a look. This story may have been inspired by the 1956 episode titled The Older Sister.

Happy hacking.

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