In Other News…

God farted.

Let’s have ourselves a little non-distraction from the onslaught of non-depressing non-racist tweets by our fearless leader who is concerned for our well-being. After all, if he can create non-diversions than why can’t we?

There’s been some recent news about the Tunguska explosion from over a hundred years ago. It troubles me that researchers are wasting time on this. What happened? How? And why?

A toot.

No scientist would ever put forward such a theory because it’s unsophisticated. And this is why, sometimes, we must step back and consider life’s simplest explanations.

I don’t have to survive a peer review, risk my standing in the academia, or lose grant money. Therefore, I am free to state the obvious, however repulsing it may be to the elitist scientific community.

Flatulence, ladies and gentlemen, is to blame for the Tunguska flattening.

The pattern of trees on the ground is consistent with the dispersion of the Almighty fart. This can be observed with the naked eye. The only question is which species of the divine emission caused the outcome. I’d like to cite the definitive source found here to present two possibilities – either The Seismic Blast or, possibly, The Long Good-Bye.

It’s high time scientists learned that all Earthly things are part of God’s mysterious ways. No amount of research can explain it. We ought to take a good long look at what those so-called experts are doing all these years.

Wouldn’t it be more productive to send the useless slackers to potato fields? We’ll soon need to feed hoards of orphan mouths in Alabama whose no-good mothers will be doing time for trying to sue their rapists.

Yes, I think scientists should go pick taters. Artists, too.

”In the early morning of June 30, 1908, something exploded in the sky above the Stony Tunguska river in Siberia as powerful as 1,000 Hiroshima bombs, but the lack of physical evidence prevented geologists from determining the cause.”

Source: For More Than 111 Years, Scientists Puzzled Over The Tunguska Event

One Reply to “In Other News…”

Leave a Reply